Doodles of the Insane

And finally the wait for my results came to an end on the friday evening ,when I was getting ready for another small test the next day .. Abandoning the meager quest in hand , I explored my wardrobe for a lucky shirt and got dressed up and flew down the stairs to my vehicle .. I reached the same cyber cafe where I am typing in now .. The atmosphere was different the other day , buzzing with my college mates anxious to know the aftermaths of what we wrote in 2 months ago;to know what books we would be reading the next 3 months;to know whether the phase II of MBBS occupies one and a half or two years;to know our fate and the destiny; Our Rajiv Gandhi university is famous for many things but certainly for its website, which loads at an astonishing rate of 0.000001 byte per second !!(Really Sucks) And so we had to wait for ages to get our fates naked before our eyes .. And when I felt my beard have grown a bit and my nails too , I typed in 04M2476 in the box and clicked the submit ...

Balloons of empty gases, Bubbles of opaque vapors, Boulders of unknown matters, Blown by the Almighty. Shades of blue, Shades of white, Shades of black, Alloyed up by the Immortal. The constant blue canvas, The inconsistent White masses, Some rigid; Some frail; Some fumigated; Some flagellated; Some punctured; Some obliterated; Some fused; Some solitary; Some bright under the sun; Some dark under the shadows; At times , pigmented dark that sobs to mop the tears of some; Elicits the moods of some;Reflects the blue of the big pond; Arduous to detect the horizon interbred; These designs stationary but mobile, painted by the Master ought to be His Masterpiece , The SKY & the CLOUDS..

Some months back , I purchased two books by Paulo Coelho from a roadside shop .. Their names VERONIKA DECIDES TO DIE and BY THE RIVER PIEDRA I SAT AND WEPT .. The former one is all about INSANITY and the latter about LOVE .. I never expected it to prove my title "IN SANE IS INSANE" but fortunately it did .. After the hard work I spent for my II year exams , my mind deserved the inner peace which it acquired by reading VERONIKA DECIDES TO DIE .. I was in a sort of addiction to Paulo Coelho's words and thoughts after losing myself to his LIKE THE FLOWING RIVER .. and the book didn't let me down .. But it took a long time to complete this book .. It traveled with me to Kodaikanal absorbing the scorching heat of Madurai ,lying on the dashboard of our car, through the course of travel and emitting it back in the cool hill station trying to keep itself warm ..Finally I had to finish reading it in the back benches of my PSM(preventive and social medicine) class - the mo...

Two friends standing in the pathway to the library and I have to pass them if I wanna get to the reading hall .. They chat among themselves and sip their half tea in a small plastic cup .. I have seen them now and they have seen me .. I make an effort to smile at them and my facial muscles fail to coordinate with my brain and my face end up in a bizzare expression which none can name .. I gaze at them as though I have never known them .. They are familiar with me and no enmity exists between them and me . Then why did my behavioral instincts fail ?? I feel that question is not apt bcoz I never owned those instincts !! I and my college mates meet every day and yet I rarely talk to them .. I have been reserved to my circle of friends to whom I talk , crack jokes , sing , play and do whatever I wish .. When someone infiltrates my fortress , I get inhibited a lot and remain merely as a dumbo .. I hate to be in such a situation .. why didnt I develop those social skills of communicatio...

He has never undergone such a crisis as this one , which is ruining him mentally for the past two weeks .. Its kind of how a leech sucks blood from its victim leaving him anemic .. Its kind of how an emboli occludes the blood supply of an organ leaving it infarct .. Its kind of how a neurotoxin leaves a prey just like a living dead "The Zombie".. He could sense the upcoming danger , a disaster in the near future .. He could feel the graveyard, where he would be buried as all would be at the end .. He could peek beyond what his poor eyes see through his new glasses .. Its gloomy inside yet he tries to broadcast his emotions as joyful .. The once heard favorite melody now so bitter and yucky .. The inner harmony he lived in now ruptured and mutilated .. The purity of his soul now putrid and rancid .. All these gets reflected in his blog in every post he publishes .. He hates to glance into the mirror for it echoes his malignant image .. He hates all those he loved bcoz he could...

Its 10 PM and my cells get nourished from the digested food of the gastrointestinal tract .. The energy from the mitochondrions gives my entire body , a boost that drives me through the dark lamp lit streets to a familiar area .. its a park .. I pass through the rotating gates and scan the area with my spectacled vision .. A gang of college guyz .. An old man relaxing his muscles comfortably .. A young couple lying on the grassy lawn .. A child playing excitedly in the swing with the aid of his parents .. I eye my lonely bench under the shade of a tree .. And energetically I propel towards my destination .. Finally I place my torso over the same bench of the same park..which has witnessed my many memorable hours of my college life.. Those hours with my dear friends in deep silence and those with my past love on the other side of the mobile and most eminently all alone with myself.. Whenever my mind fuel reaches a reserve , my leg muscles get automated from the brain to refuel .. and i...

Looks - what I mean here is the physical structure which gets registered when you see a person.. It could be their face , physique, built, structure, voice, complexion, etc.. When a guy sees a beautiful girl , he ofcourse looks at her dumbstruck...while some pretend as if they gaze at the suroundings but not at her...while some rare people really dont care for who she is...(they are saints probably or sterile...)..Its normal for a fertile men to get attracted to the opposite sex..but what we (most of us) choose is the best or better of them..Of course we human beings always seek to be better than the rest..Everyone wants to look better..Then what is the value of originality??...If every one seeks better , then why were the worst created ??....Just to weep and sweep??.. As a 20 year old guy , i have never derived the solutions for numerous questions related to these subjects abt external and internal beauty... I went to the extent of following a theory of my own , of my own observati...

Its too heavy to carry it along .. But too obsessed to leave it behind .. I never thought it would hamper .. I never thought I would get habituated .. I adored it at first sight .. But now it asphyxiates me .. I controlled it initially .. Now its ahead .. A blend of emotions run through me.. Fear, guilt, happiness,sorrow,grief,gloom.. The fear restraining my muscles.. The guilt calcifying my cardiac organ.. The sorrow constricting my bronchus.. The gloom dilating my cerebral veins.. that dispenses a dull ache .. The so called happiness masks my face .. Something is wrong inside .. I have become an addict to my thoughts..

After a tiring journey through two states for 22 hrs , I finally managed to reach my destination ,Davangere... This is where I study my Medical course and I am proud to be doing it here...Bcoz it boasts of an enormous intake per year ie an incredible 245 seats per year...people from all over the Indian states study here and its quite an interesting place except for its speedbrakers, which u are destined to run over atleast a couple in each street... So I have just crashed in my penultimate year ...after nearly 3 months , i am getting used to those 1 hr dry lectures, morning clinics, afternoon practicals , evening library hours , late night chats...losing my afternoon naps and regaining them in those galleries of the lecture halls...cruising along the busy roads and scanning the area with our radars...Watching the horror flicks in those small DVD theatres..playing strategy based games throughout the nights..going to bed when the sun rises..Waking up when the sun sets..enjoying a c...