Decoding the Desire

I was lying down in my bed buried deep inside the layers of quilt to keep me warm from the cold air. That’s when my mind played its usual game of desperation. It sprouted a balloon of thought that descended to the fragile heart through the ever complicated neuronal circuits. We desperately label raw emotions and play games with it. Wish, Want, Need, Desire; All these might look like replicas and can confuse us, so much. But not, desire. The others have been well moulded and polished into better vocabularies.But desire is a naked and raw feeling. That’s why I intend to explore the true intentions of a desire.

A desire is a faint whisper of your heart to your mind and it tries relentlessly to negotiate a deal out of it, either for the good or bad. A desire is something, you feel like doing or seeing or hearing, no matter how wrong or right it is. Because desire doesn't exist in the realms of morality. It originates in your naked and uninhibited heart, yet to be conditioned to follow the compass of society’s morality. For a desire is a desire, however decisive or simple it maybe. For a heart is a heart, however hard or pure it maybe. Both of them make a good pair, for them but definitely not for you. A heart and a desire are completely on their own, lost in the vast sea of madness. No matter, how hard, you try to anchor them to the shores, they will disappoint you consistently. Desire is the wind propelling the ship's sails in the mayhem of the life.

A desire has deep roots inside your soul. It isn’t that simple to pick up on your desires and act upon it. Desires are always caught in the web of needs and wants and its never easy to filter them out, unscathed. So, would you split open yourself and search for its traces? or would you decorate them with your thoughts and end up being disappointed faces? When you are not able to satisfy your desire, you end up in misery because of your expectations. That doesn’t mean fulfilling your desires will lead to a happily forever after. It will instead lead to a new desire in its place, that will need new pacification.

Desires can be anything from a simple little thing to a complex inevitable feeling. 

As your life sheds its skin of the innocent childhood, you desire to find someone as weird as you, with whom you can build sandcastles along the beaches of eternity. You desire to discover your soulmate or twin flame by an instantaneous explosive chemistry. You desire to be able to say what and how you feel, to them, by looking into their eyes. You desire to dig out the buried dark secrets from their crevices of their mazy brain. You desire to watch all your favorite movies and Tv series with the one in a binge and  explaining the plots and whispering the spoiler alerts into the ears playfully. You desire to drive all along with the one, on a full moon, with your favorite music playing mildly into the night sky and you both screaming out aloud through the windshield. You desire to have an endless conversation of random things even beyond 3 AM and ending up on each other’s shoulder asleep and realizing it only when you wake up awkwardly.

Sometimes, the desire is to steal a hidden look at your beautiful crush and remain awe struck; at times, it is to get lost in a meaningful face to face trance like state with your lover; at other times, to get mesmerized by the seductive eyes of your spouse as you enter the room after a tired day.

Sometimes, it is to hold the hands of your mother as you gently pass off into the night sailing away from the nightmares; at times, the hands you choose at your tender age, changes and fills your finger gaps more perfectly, as if you both are two halves of a whole; and then comes a time, when you desire your newborn baby to hold your little pinky finger tightly and never want to let go, no matter what.

Sometimes, it is to get kissed by your mother on your cheeks; then, to kiss someone who you truly love, on their forehead; then, comes the passionate and deep smooch with your best half, like its gonna be the end of the world; But, when your little baby kisses you back, its altogether a new level of desiring, passing through generations.

At times of depression, the desire is to end everything peacefully. At time of exaltation, the desire is to freeze the moment of tranquility and live forever. Sometimes, the desire is to live contently in between the waxing and waning of waves.

Sometimes, the desire is to be alone, not because you are a loner, but because there is no better place to hide your feelings and your mask has overrun its capacity. At times of desperation, the desire is to run into the arms of your special one and forget the existential crisis, that’s drowning you. Sometimes, you never want to be released from the tight embrace of the warmth radiating from the heart of your heart.

Sometimes, you desire to be melancholy for unexplainable reasons. At other times, you desire to be happy and cheerful for obvious reasons.

Above all, we all desire to be understood, accepted and loved because these three would perhaps encompass every possible feeling in this universe and we all deserve to be accepted and loved. But we do need someone to decode our desires, desperately.